But when you’re on the receiving end of aggressive, controlling and bullying behaviour, it’s very easy to consider as normal things that definitely aren’t – thereby settling for the path of least resistance. You’re a grown man with your own life, a career and a partner – you really don’t need to be micromanaged from the family home. Much of what you describe is multilayered, historic and challenging to unpick, but not being so passive is simple and long overdue. For your own sanity, to create some much needed distance and to confirm your resolve to make changes, I suggest that you immediately change your passwords, redirect your statements and stop being so passive about intrusions into your personal matters. Your mum controlling your finances at your age is utterly ridiculous and is the simplest element of this sorry story to resolve. That may sound oversimplistic and it would certainly make for a very short column if I didn’t elaborate further, but sometimes it is an unavoidable truth that the only person holding us back is ourselves. I don’t want to cut them out of my life entirely, but I can’t carry on like this. I don’t think they would be receptive to talking without getting violent or angry. If I go to the pub when I’m home, they want to know exactly who I’m with and want to give me a lift there and back. Whenever my parents want me to do something they guilt-trip me and call me immature until they get what they want. Mum sees danger everywhere and is paranoid that something bad might happen. It is impossible to talk to my dad because, if you disagree with him, he gets abusive and violent. Our relationship is generally one of obligation. They refuse to use my girlfriend’s name and repeatedly refer to her as “your friend”. I am a teacher with a reputable international company, but my parents don’t like my job and regularly tell me I need to come home. Mum does everything financial for me – she has all my bank passwords the statements go to her address and she controls my savings. My parents live in the UK and are very overprotective and controlling. The dilemma I’m in my late 20s and live and work abroad.